


Impasse

by orphan_account



Category: Last Shadow Puppets
Genre: Angst and Feels, Bathroom Sex, But love can be very blind, Canon Compliant, Implied/Referenced Cheating, M/M, Miles is kind of a dickhead in this one, Open Relationships, Recreational Drug Use
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-19
Updated: 2019-10-19
Packaged: 2020-12-24 09:17:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,045
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21097082
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Miles grinned at him, eyes sparkling against the orange light of the dust. If that’s gonna be the last thing he saw before he died, Alex had nothing to complain. He couldn’t think of anything better anyway.





	Impasse

**Impasse**

It’s a fever that brutally hit him like a thunderstorm, soaking Alex completely within seconds, and then left a burning taste that lingered forever in his mouth. Right in the middle of deafening music, shouting crowds and shifting neonlights, Alex saw him standing there. 

Alex was locked in his track.

As if a spell had made his legs slaves of this unknown young man, they carried him to his unchangeable destiny without much hesitation, leaving no space for him to argue otherwise. “Hey.” Said Alex abruptly, disrupting a conversation the slender guitarist already held with another guy.

It was rather unlike him to make such a move. If any of his friends saw him now, they’d probably be laughing their heads off, asking what had gotten into him. But the brave bluntness was not drawn out of Alex from the inside. It was gifted to him, together with a mushy impulse to scream when the boy turned away. He simply ignored Alex, trying to pick up his chat with the other unimportant party.

He reeked of forty minutes on stage, three pints of Pale Ale and too many weeds. He smelled heavenly, and scarily like what Alex imagined he should be. 

The boy couldn’t find the guy beside him anywhere in the room, who probably had moved away when Alex approached. “Hey, you.” He reluctantly turned back to Alex, cracking a smile that seemed to be his natural expression. “Do I know you?” 

“Not yet.” _But you really should- _Alex thought, unfairly blaming the boy for his ignorance. He quickly added, “I’m Alex, Alex Turner.”

The boy smiled a bit more, and Alex’s world levitated further up accordingly. “Oh, you’re the singer of the monkeys. Me name’s Miles Kane. Sorry, I missed the whole meet-and-greet thing earlier…” 

Alex gave a try to wrap his tongue around the name in an embarrassing hurry. “Miles.”

Miles chuckled before walking away. “See you in a bit, Alex.”

There wasn’t anything funny about his lack of enthusiasm to talk to Alex, but the sound of his laugh alone made Alex smile and forget about any awkwardness there could have been. He easily brushed off how cold Miles seemed to be. Later, when they were playing on stage, Alex searched among the crowds like a boy going through his collection of toys, having eyes only for his current favourite.

The night extended further. They were all chilling out and having a blast after the gig. Alex caught himself laughing out loud after every sentence Miles spat out. His mind was abstract and intricate, which fascinated Alex to no end. He could also tell most people got amused because they thought Miles was deliberately being weird rather than speaking his mind.

A secret sense of triumph crept into his head. Somehow, he felt empowered for winning a game which he probably had no competitors in the first place.

“I knew it from the start.” Alex told him at the end of the tour as Miles again climbed into the van that belonged to the monkeys. Miles’ eyes formed the most perfect curve when he was truly happy, and now it was for Alex to see only.

“Really? Even when I was stoned and probably cold as fuck?”

He almost sounded apologetic, and Alex wanted to loudly sing just for the fact that they were now in this storm together. “Were you, Miles? I’d forgive you, but I don’t think you were cold to me. Not at all...”

In his eyes Miles was perfect just like this, although he got no feminine features on the face. His body wasn’t soft to the touch. It’s obvious that he was a man - Alex never fancied any other man until now, and he doubted he’d look twice at any other man after Miles Kane. 

_Did Miles sometimes get scared as well, about how well they got along, how easily it was to read each other’s mind, and how fiercely Alex grabbed his shoulders and kissed him against the wooden door of some smelly dressing room?_ _Sweet lord!_ Alex certainly did freak out a bit when Miles didn’t kiss back at first. However, those elegant fingers were on his nape before he could panic, pulling him closer and closer until there was no annoying distance left between them.

Miles giggled when Alex began to suck on his neck. “Al,” He complaint warmly, “Fuck, people will see-”

Alex didn’t know where the idea came from. _It felt like something he had been waiting for forever,_ showing the world that Miles was with him and people needed to shut their face and get over it if they didn’t approve it. “Let them know, I don’t care.”

“Wait until there’re a thousand pairs of eyes on you, la.”

“Make it a thousand million, whatever. I fucking don’t care.”

Miles stopped his amused mocks immediately. His eyes dimmed briefly, and then lightened up like the whole galaxy just fell into them. “Me too.” 

They promised too soon, too presumptuous. At that time, neither of them had any idea what it was like, to have their life under the spotlights and every move judged by strangers. Alex didn’t know who broke the promise first. When he came around, Miles was no longer in his arms and Alex hadn’t the guts to call him first. 

This time Miles didn’t come back.

+

In the following years, Alex must have thought of the two weeks they spent together in France more often than he thought about the real Miles.

Even at their worst, the idea of those days being part of his life brought Alex more joy than sorrow. In his head, Alex tried to recreate the anfractuous paths sunlight took in the rural green of French countryside. Their reflections merged into one patch of the same color on the placid lake, foreseeing their entwined youth when they were just tasting the adulthood, the fame and the _love_.

What a love it was, when they wrestled playfully in the middle of nowhere, with no one to forbit them from trying everything. Miles fell on top of him with only briefs on. Their bikes were forgotten on the side, lying together just as the owners. Alex halfheartedly whined about the grass being too itchy and he got easily irritated skin all over. Miles called him _The Princess_ for it, but generously decided to flip them over and let Alex stay on top. 

He ended up kissing every inch of Miles’ body until his lips remembered all the details, so that Alex could sing them out one by one with his eyes closed. 

Indulging in each other’s existence, Alex usually found it overwhelming and soon learned the taste of boredom. But with Miles, who seemed to have a vague sense of boundaries, it was surprisingly never too much. Miles knew the exact amount of firewood he should add to keep Alex’s desire for him burning undyingly.

Alex craved him then, and he craved Miles even when he didn’t have the heart to love him.

One night they sat down in the yard, drinking beers and watching the delayed lights coming from the space. The curtain of night was fully decorated with stars. The breeze radiated smells of fermented leaves, damp soil and burnt wood. They were talking about everything, sharing dark longings and twisted wishes for a character they created out of thin air, sharing stories of ex-girlfriends and laughing about their shared stupidity.

Miles spilled some drinks on himself. Alex found the beer tasting better when served on his skin. He couldn’t tell if he got drunk so quickly that night because he had taken too much alcohol, or too much Miles.

“What am I gonna do without ya, Miles?” He muttered quietly. Miles found it extremely hilarious. He shrieked with laughter, throwing an arm around Alex’s shoulder to pull him closer, until his breath was hot and moist against Alex’s earlobe.

Miles smiled smugly. “You don’t have to worry about that, Al.”

That’s months before he stormed out of Alex’s flat, distant and livid. The question they were asked all the time was exact the opposite: _Where would Miles Kane be without the help of the great, generous Alex Turner? _Sometimes people’s blunt rudeness shocked Alex to the point that he failed to even get sarcastic. As the words sank in, it only got worse and worse. Miles chose to carry them out of the interrogation room, chewing on them repeatedly no matter how many times Alex swore to him that those were just bullshits.

“For God’s sake! You don’t have to take offense all the time, do you?” Back then Alex was just as insensitive as any other blocks of his age, losing his patience after a few pints. 

The look Miles gave him was enough to clear his head immediately. “Go on ahead.” Alex bit his lower lip in regret as Miles got up from his seat, voice quivering and ice-cold. “Tell me how petty I am.”

“Miles-”

Miles shied away from his touch. “Fuck off, Alex.”

He said it with such venom in his voice as if he hated Alex to the guts, so Alex listened to him and stayed motionless when Miles slammed the door. He run for months, moving to another continent with his girlfriend and writing alone in the bitingly cold winter of NYC.

+

He had a dream in which the world was ending. In his hand were Miles’ fingers, warm and sweaty and firm to the touch, shielding him from icy, haunting fear. Before they reached the next crossing, Alex felt the impulse of breaking a secret. He wondered if Miles knew they were gonna die very soon, way before the sky crushed down, crumbling over them. 

“I’m glad you’re here.” In sleep he said solemnly, wishing Miles would pick up all that he meant to tell. Miles grinned at him, eyes sparkling against the orange light of the dust. If that’s gonna be the last thing he saw before he died, Alex had nothing to complain. He couldn’t think of anything better anyway. 

The imaginary Miles looked at his face and nodded. “Same here, Al.” 

The weight of the broken world was immediately lifted from his shoulders. He floated therefore, up and high and higher until heaven was close enough to reach with a stretched arm. Then Alex woke up.

He woke up and realised he’s not sleeping on his own bed. Neither was he sleeping alone.

It’s been long. Miles was fast asleep, legs drawing up and shoulders curling down, lying a few inches away from him. His mouth was slightly ajar, eyebrows knitted together like a kid who had cried himself into sleep. Alex didn’t know if that’s the case. He hadn’t the memory of coming here in the first place.

The side of his head hurt like someone’s tried to take a look at his brain, or that he had gulped down an entire bottle of whiskey without thinking much.

Alex tried to recall what happened last night. The failure came as no surprise. Eventually he gave up on the impossible mission, instead indulging himself freely with the sight of Miles. He had the strong desire to wake Miles up and pressed kisses all over his body just as before, but his courage was running low. Alex settled with just watching. 

He thought of tomorrow while taking in another shaky breath. Miles’ fingers were lying too close to his palm, unaware and alluring. Alex let his lids fall as he carefully wrapped his fingers around Miles’. Suddenly, he felt like he’s dying, reliving the scenes in his dream.

Alex didn’t let go, thus Miles was still there when he woke up again.

“Welcome back.” Miles smiled genuinely at Alex’s hungover frown. From that casual question, Alex knew that they hadn’t even managed a coherent conversation last night. “How’s New York?”

“It’s…it’s alright.” Alex swallowed forcefully. He never planned to stay away for so long, but here they were: He missed Miles so achingly that the pain lingered even now, when Miles was slowly kissing away the tears he could no longer hold back. Alex sniffed loudly, cupped the back of Miles’ head with trembling, hesitant hands. “I-I just…”

His voice was embarrassingly broken as Alex struggled to speak. Miles took pity on him and silenced him with another peck on the lips. “I’m sorry, too.” Miles paused, pouting at the memory that obviously stung. Then, as if he somehow knew about what’s going on in Alex’s head, Miles shook his head gently to tell him they were good.

He assured Alex, “I’m glad you’re here.”

+

Miles run towards him.

Miles run towards him, and it was one thing that Alex remembered him doing specifically, whenever Alex gestured for him to come. Sometimes it’s on stage and sometimes in the bedroom. Miles went to Alex with no hesitation, no holding back, no trying to play it cool. Seeing him rushing closer, it reminded him of seeing the sun out and shining after days of rain. Alex couldn’t stop smiling.

But then his smile was wiped away when Miles winked at someone else. Miles was never ashamed of his desire for another one out there, even from the very start. Alex wasn’t allowed to get jealous, and it wasn’t even because he’s the one who’s always taken – Miles didn’t cope well with the idea of commitment. He just did not.

He had his own ways to speak of love, though. “Do you even know what that means?” Alex asked him once on the phone, when he’s on tour with the monkeys. Miles was staying at his place in London, working on his own project. Sleeping in Alex’s bed, that’s the closest he’d ever get to be Alex’s _boyfriend._

The Scouser was taken aback by the bitterness in his tone. “What’s wrong, babe?” Miles’ voice lost its excitement. He’s never truly keen to know what’s going on, no matter how gentle and caring he sounded. It was beyond Miles’ comprehension why Alex cared who he slept with when Alex had a girlfriend himself. There wasn’t much Alex could have done. 

Alex gave a snort of derision. He was not ready to lose Miles over something he had yet to known what that was. He had to accept that there was no way to change Miles: He could only choose to take it or leave it.

“You love me.” He repeated what Miles just said, feeling weak and betrayed.

It took long for Miles to answer. He chuckled. No trace of guilt or self-doubt in his vow.

“Of course I do.”

+

It’s in another luxurious hotel that Alex couldn’t remember the name of. Miles was shamefully loud, talking dirty with indecent haste. Alex wondered how come it all became so different: Miles pushed him against the ceramic wall of the bathroom, laughing breathlessly as whatever he just took kicked in. He was high as fuck, so close, yet so far away.

“Don’t hold back, Al.” Miles purred, licking and nibbling at his bottom lip until Alex’s mouth opened willingly. _How could he ever? _

“Miles,” He whimpered, grabbing at Miles’ hair in desperate. “Please.”

There wasn’t a need for him to beg. It’s just an attempt of showing his devotion, for any other way would drive Miles away. Miles took immense joy from the lifestyle of a rock and roll star, while Alex still harvested happiness solely by having Miles around him.

It’s past the point where they would argue. In those blurry nights they shared, Alex chose to lay back and give himself away. “Miles…Miles, Mi-” He chanted the name incoherently, voice strained and heated with lust. Miles responded eagerly by pushing all the way inside him, leaving finger-shaped bruises on the inside of Alex’s thighs.

That’s all he dared to say. For in the end, even if Alex was to be his slave, Miles would be the one who felt caged. “…you’re incredible,” Miles kissed along his neck, lowering his voice. He made Alex feel so full, yet empty with an aching yearning at the same time. “Come on, Al. Do it for me.” 

His fingers dug into the shallow gaps between two pieces of the ceramic tiles, shaking with effort to please, _to obey_. Miles bit the back of his neck, hips thrusting forward once again, hitting Alex _deep and right_. He sobbed out a scream, face pushed against the icy wall. “I know you can, baby.” Miles told him, and Alex did, coming untouched with a feeble cry. He flinched when the torturing pace didn’t seem to slow down. Miles sighed in content, pressing a wet kiss on Alex’s shoulder blade, obtuse nails clamping his nipples and pulling on the sensitive skin. Alex squirmed in his embrace, dizzy with pleasure. He whined when Miles asked casually, pelvis pressing against his ass. “Think you can get hard again, Al?”

_It’s all too much. _However, when Alex answered, he only nodded a silent agreement. “Take me.” Another plea slipped past his kissed swollen lips. Alex kept his eyes close. “More…need ya.” 

And that was true. He’d always needed Miles close, whatever place their relationship was stuck in. A few times Alex tried to run away, yet he always came back after a while. Sometimes a long one, sometimes shorter.

Every single time Miles welcomed him as nothing happened. Alex had long given up on trying to keep Miles all to himself. He had also learnt to believe Miles: After all, Miles wasn’t lying. Alex was just greedy.

+

“I love ya.” Said Miles, dropping his head heavily into the crook of Alex’s neck. He was drunk and radiated warmth. Outside the hotel room, the night fell leisurely. Another year was awaiting for them in just a few hours.

As always, Alex was on the brink of an abyss. He could have sneered at Miles’ easy promise. He could get up and leave. But sooner or later he’d come back in pieces, begging for Miles to put him back together - They were on a loop. It didn’t matter how fast Alex run next time. 

“I know you do.” He agreed, combing his fingers through Miles’ soft, damp hair.

Alex admitted. “I always know.”

+END+

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading x I hope you enjoy the story?


End file.
